Wednesday's Word......Identity

It looks like it's been about a year since I last updated my blog so it feels like it's about time. And for the first time in my adult life I am jobless and not by choice. After 9+ years with the city and 5 days shy of re-accruing all my vacation I was given 5 minutes pack up my office and no explanation as to why my services were no longer needed. Everything raced through my mind from insurance to how this would affect my one in college and the other graduating this year and their little brother and sister to how was I going to tell them. There is no easy answer to any of those initial thoughts either. Despite all my experience, areas of expertise, training and certifications I was caught up in not just politics but office politics. There is a lot  more to that story that I may share in the future but that's not the point or focus of today's post.
In the midst of all this my wife and I were about to pile in a van and drive 15 hours with 12 college and high school seniors to attend the Passion Conference as my wife is in charge of our church's college ministry and I accompanied a group a few years ago as well so I knew what I was getting into. And this is the direction I want to focus on. So then my mind turned to can I take the time to do this now? Can we afford to do this now? What if this and what if that? Then I realized all I had now was time and the majority of everything was already then care of and then families blessed us with gift cards so we didn't have to worry about a bunch of the meals during the trip.
Up to this point I had been focusing on prayers for the young men and women in our group as we would be joining tens of thousands of others at this conference. I had also been seeking guidance and wisdom for the discussions we would lead as we all would be trying to digest what each of the speakers had to say and how it applied to us as individuals. But then my circumstances changed and I began to think I needed answers and the guidance and wisdom for my impending job search and lost sight of what I should be focused on for this trip. In all of this I should have remained focused on God and the needs of those we were leading and with that everything else would have fallen into place.
To try and refocus I decided to fast from the first evening of the conference to the last session. I generally don't like discus when or why I am doing a fast until after it is done but it is one of those biblical principles that was practically a requirement when seeking God's will but has been lost on today's Christians. There are roughly fasting 77 references in the bible for roughly 10 different purposes but the most often one is prayer. And I was needing to do a lot of prayer in those few days so that is where I placed my focus.....in prayer.
For those first few days everything seemed to fall into place. Each of the speakers seemed to have something for me. The first night Levi Lusko talked about how we need to get rid of our bucket lists but what I remember the most was how he talked about pitting our present problems vs the promise prize. It seemed to hit me squarely between the eyes. He added more on how the less we need from this world the more you can enjoy it, the more you can do for it and the more you can withstand the pain within it. He also talked about how it should be our ambition to be less ambitious and that we really need a different scale to measure everything of this world. We need to be weighing God's glory against our difficulties but to always remember that salvation is not based on you but placed on you. For many of our students that was the 1st time they'd heard him speak and though our discussions later that night what he said spoke to each and everyone of us.
The next morning we began our day worshiping with David Crowder and it set the mood for the rest of the day. John Piper then spoke to us about loving God and delighting in that love and using the overflow to love others and realizing the greatest reality in all the universe is the glory of God. But the phrase that spoke o me the most is that God is more glorified in you when you are most satisfied in Him. It just hit me where I was standing about how I hadn't that feeling of satisfaction or contentment in Him in a while and I began searching myself for the "why" I felt that way. But some of the biggest gut punches were delivered by Christine Cain and if you haven't heard her speak you need to, plain and simple as that. She started off her session about how we were created to know no shame but that's the first thing the serpent pursued making us question God's authority and that we will believe whatever everyone else says if we don't know what God said. It's also easy to disobey God when we question the character of God. When we look back to the garden God is asking the same question today as He did of Adam and Eve back then and that's "where are you"? We get distracted and pulled in so many directions these days that we get lost and forget where God is even though he is constantly reaching out to us. The biggest statement she had for us is that at some point we have to decide that what Jesus did for us on the cross is bigger than what someone else did to us. Again it felt as if each of the speakers were talking directly into my current situation. But it didn't stop there. That evening we had the privilege of having Louie Giglio speak to us in our arena and he talked about being used by God. How we are all flaming arrows in the hands of a merciful God and what would happen if we let Him send us where He needed us. We have to trust those hands that are holding the arrow. The same nail scarred hands that bought our freedom. We have to believe the purpose is greater than our plan and that the cost is worth it. There is still unfinished work of the church despite the finished work of Christ and we need to live our life on purpose for a purpose and what we make that purpose will determine if that work is ever finished. As this day finished and we gathered together to debrief and bribe our kids with candy to share their thoughts I could feel a sense of healing in our group. I felt that there was spiritual healing and closure but it wasn't me because even though I didn't know it then....he wasn't finished with me yet.
Our last day again started with worship before we had the chance to listen to Priscilla Shirer (The War Room). I didn't take as many notes for this final session as I was busy laughing along with her stories about her family and how she related them to all of us. But I did come away with come as you are but don't stay as you are and to honor God vs impressing people. I was also beginning to feel as if I hadn't gotten what I was seeking. That I didn't get clear direction or answers and that's when God decided to reveal all this to me. We closed with the song No Longer Slaves and in that song there is a verse "I am a child of God. I'm no longer a slave to fear" and the words wouldn't come and I couldn't sing. It was then that I realized I was not claiming that as a reality that I didn't feel that I was a child of God. It was with that revelation that I could sing again. That I could praise His name.
When we got back from the conference and our pastor prayed over me after communion he prayed those same words....that I was a child of God. It was then that I told him what I experienced that last day, that last song. We both realized then how much God had his hand in it all. It was then that I came to the conclusion that I had placed my identity in my job. That's who I had become. We don't realize it but that's what we do. When someone asks what we do we tell them what we do for a living. In reality I should be saying what I do for the kingdom of God. I should be saying I volunteer with our youth and corral a bunch of crazy 6th grade boys on Wednesday nights showing them the grace of God while trying to reveal the truths of the bible in ways that they can relate to. I help teach Sunday school, I'm part of a home group in our church where we lift each other up and share each others burdens along our spiritual journeys. I'm a part of our church choir (despite not being a tenor) helping lead worship when we lift up our voices. I help guide high schoolers on mission trips where expectations get flipped upside down and lives get changed. I am a member of Grimes United Methodist Church and I am a child of God. I still don't have a job but I still have my family and my church family and I can still be who I am meant to be in Christ.

Listen.....

Yesterday after months of struggling I finally heard something I needed to hear and said something I needed to say. It wasn't necessarily an answer I was seeking this entire time but it actually went beyond the superficial need to know but straight to my heart. You see 6 months ago today things changed for me and as I sit here and think about everything that has happened since July 19 all the physical pain, the emotional exhaustion, all the doubting and sense of being lost is still there but I no longer let it overwhelm and define me.....it's just become part of my story, part of my testimony. 6 months ago I ruptured my ACL (it was shredded) and tore my lateral meniscus while on a mission trip with our church's high schoolers and after surgery and months of rehab (35 visits to be exact) it's still not quite right and the mounting costs of getting it right is just another one of those things that when thrown in the mix with the rest of life's stuff it begins to take its toll.

This was my 3rd trip with the majority of these young men and women and was the most we've ever had go on a trip so that in itself was pretty exciting though I wasn't looking forward to going for personal reasons knowing it would be the last trip I took with 1 of them, my son who was graduating. We had been on mission trips together to Mexico, an Indian reservation in Montana, a former mining town along the Ohio and West Virginia border and now to small town in Arkansas. I had witnessed all of them all grow so much over the years but knowing my son's intentions on what he was planning to do with his degrees after college  (physics and environmental science) and put them to use in the missions field helping with sustainable energy and clean water I couldn't be more proud as a youth leader and even more so as a father.

This mission trip was shaping up to be something perfectly in my wheel house as I was getting to combine a couple of my passions; sports and youth ministry as I was getting to put my years of coaching experience to better use by helping lead sports ministry this week for the teenagers in Marvell Arkansas. But it is usually in these moments where we feel most comfortable that we are the least useful, especially in God's plans as we take things for granted and rarely have to put much effort into those things that come naturally to us. But time after time it is the unqualified or the least of these that are used to fulfill God's promises and communicate to us through every day circumstances and interactions. It's not until we are taken out of our comfort zone that we are truly capable of making an impact for those around us by having to rely on God to give us strength for those daunting tasks, to calm our fears and quiet our mind so we can can listen to His calling and to have the courage to step away from what we know we can do and into the unknown.

Unfortunately many times our response is not to lean on God in those moments but to question why those moments are happening And that's exactly what I did when I hit the ground. I went straight into "why me" mode. Why is this happening to me, why is this happening now, what did I do to deserve this, how can you let something like this happen when I'm doing it for you. All of this was directed at God and there was no getting around that. This was the 2nd day of our ministry work and I felt like these things that I was good at were just taken away from me and that I was pretty much useless the rest of the week. I ended up having a lot of time to myself to go over these questions and that has continued for some time. But in those moments while I was there I came to realize I was too far into my comfort zone. I didn't need to truly  make 1 on 1 connections with anyone playing sports and I really didn't need to even talk to anyone. But while on the "sidelines" the rest of the week I was able to connect with one of the local city workers who was basically my counterpart for what I do for the city back home and I got to learn a lot of the history of the town and the surrounding communities as we swapped old high school football stories. I learned about his family and what he does to help integrate his daughter into the community he works in because they live in another town and how he hopes and prays for this town and their struggles. I learned and saw things I would have never experienced had I been out there running around like an idiot.....my wife's words not mine.....or maybe that's what she said about why I got hurt. It was all such a blur but that was the gist of it.

I continued to have conversations with other kids of the community and with other youth from the other churches and was able to take a step back and watch my church kids do amazing things with the time they had as they continually pushed themselves and at the end of the week I asked to share my experience with everyone before our final night of prayer and ceremonial foot washing. I explained that I know there are some of them who don't know why they are there or felt there wasn't a point to them being there but I said that one day; maybe on the drive home maybe years from now someone will say something that brings you back here and it will be revealed in that moment why you here at this moment in time and the difference it made and not necessarily in the life of someone else but in your own. And for me it was stretching myself beyond my comfort zone and making connections that will stay a part of me for the rest of my life that wouldn't of happened had things gone as I planned.

That night I was blessed with the opportunity to pray over each of our youth individually with the other leaders from our church. If you ask me what I prayed about after each one I couldn't tell you as they weren't my words but I was at that time listening to God and conveying what message I needed to deliver to each one of them. But there is one thing I remember and that was the opening prayer I spoke over Emma. She's one of those that I've drug along 24+ hours in a van to Montana, then had a bunch of expectations flipped upside down in Ohio and now trying to make the most out of our opportunity in Arkansas. I know some of the things she's struggled with over the years so to say I'm proud of who she's become and what she is choosing to do would be an under statement. So when I said she's not the same girl I took to Montana 3 years ago there was no greater truth I could have spoken. And since then the choices she's made and the opportunities she's had to share her faith not only in her school but in Africa as well and to continue her journey in the manner she is it's hard to believe how far out of her comfort zone she has stepped.

Unfortunately for me much of what I gained on this trip was left there as my knee further complicated things for the ride home. Then surgery, 6 weeks of crutches, not being to coach as I was so accustomed to and all the rehab and then set backs and more rehab brought me back to the why me status. Then this week happened. Tuesday I got our lesson plan for the week and it was on doubts and how we confront them in regards to God. It's what I needed to see as I had been avoiding listening because I wasn't hearing the answers I wanted or needed. So later that evening God got my attention with a 2x4 when Emma posted a blog on her World Race site as she is taking a year off from school to do mission work and she ended it with those words I spoke over and I'm not gonna lie it hit me in the feels and again was exactly what I needed and I took the opportunity yesterday to thank her and explained the struggles and doubts I've been carrying these last 6 months and I'm glad she listened then and now for everything she wrote made a difference for me.

It's moments like this that reassure me that I'm still making a difference but that I also need to listen for Him because He speaks in so many different ways.

You should read this because it's so much better than what you just read.......

http://emmakoestner.theworldrace.org/post/a-moment-of-vulnerability

Wednesdays Word........Disappointment

As you can see it has truly been a while since I've even thought about my blog. Which for some who are extremely desperate to hear my thoughts it may have been disappointing for you not to see anything from me in a while. If that's the case we may need to talk and just maybe get you a little help. Yeah I've had fleeting thoughts like oh that'd be good but nothing really compelling me sit here and take the time

So many times in our lives we face circumstances that are bound to leave us disappointed, discouraged or lost. Many times these are areas in our life, that despite our best efforts, are beyond our control because of all the variables involved but we still seem to have the most trouble accepting the outcome. Whether these are moments in our career, job seeking, our education, family or personal life it can consume us. Will it affect you? Yes. Does it define you? No. Generally what it boils down to is that we need a new perspective, a new point of view or maybe a wake up call to get us to look at the bigger picture and the greater purpose of our experiences.

We become so focused on the final outcome that we overlook the journey that got us there in the first place. It has become so ingrained in our society to focus on the prize that we forget about everything that comes with it; good or bad. The fact is that sometimes the growing through a process is a much greater benefit than the final outcome. Especially when you look at the odds and all the choices and chances that get us to that specific point at that specific time in our lives.

So why the mushy keep your head up pep talk?

Some of my friends and family know that I had applied to be a part of the Disney Parks Moms Panel. Yes I know I'm a guy but we are people too. But this is a group of parents who use their trip expertise to help others navigate what could be their once in a life time trip for their family by answering questions and giving tips. Tens of thousands of people apply every year but only a few make it each year to be a part of this team. But in the selection process maybe 5-10% get the chance to make it to the next round, which I was chosen to make it on to round 2 this year. Then you have to make a short video and answer more essay questions both about yourself but also "test" type questions on what you'd recommend for families to do. When I got that congratulations email I was shocked because I barely remembered applying since I had a 1 day window because the remaining time I was actually at Walt Disney World. I was also sick and pretty doped up on medicine so that might have had something to do with it too. It was quite the honor to make it that far and a lot of fun creating my video (even though it might of embarrassed my boys a little) and putting together my answers. My wife and I had actually compiled a Disney tip book over the years because of the number of people who knew our love for Disney World and were seeking our opinions for planning their trip.

It was a lot of fun finding a lot of the others who had made it this far too through Twitter and Facebook. Getting to share our Disney"geek"side with others in the same boat who understood what we were going through was a nice comfort to have. As the days got closer for the next cut nerves were obviously on edge for some and a lot of the fun was taken out of the process by a few in the minority that complained and couldn't take the funny cryptic tweets anymore because it was stressing them out. You could see people beginning to obsess over things and could no longer eat or practically function. Then they changed the notification date and that's when I began to look at the process from a different perspective.

I really think the date change to the 11th (Veterans Day) was intended for me to look at what the day really was. It wasn't meant to sit around a computer or smart phone and hit refresh desperately waiting for an email we assume will change our lives or wreck it depending what it says. No it is a day to honor those who have dedicated their lives to sustaining the freedoms that allow us to pursue our dreams such as these. People begin to lose sight of the fact they have even had the chance, of what the majority of the world would consider, of a lifetime and go on a Disney vacation. I have been on a mission trip to the slums of Mexico where I've handed a little boy with no shoes an old soccer ball and you would of thought I gave him a million dollars from the smile on his face. I have sat and read to a little girl on an Indian reservation who in that moment didn't have a care in the world because she had someone paying attention to her. I've packaged meals to be delivered around the globe and I've helped the homeless just 30 minutes from my house. I've been blessed more by helping these people than I ever could in giving someone a 200 word answer on how best to enjoy their time at Mickey's Very Merry Christmas Parade. So I began to step back and not just look at this moment but to all the opportunities I've had to share my love of Disney with my family and friends. I didn't grow up getting to take family vacations to Disneyland or Disney World. My first trip to see the Mouse was when I was 22 and we live just about as far away from each as you can get so we can't just go when ever we want to on top of the fact we can't afford to go several times a year or even yearly like some people. So because of these things I cherish the chances we do get to spend time as a family on a vacation especially a Disney one.

While I didn't get the answer I necessarily wanted, I got the answer I needed to hear at that moment and it wasn't the "sorry maybe next year" it was the.......you are doing things that make a difference so don't worry about this. All this being said will I apply again because I am lucky enough to still be qualified to apply due to my wife and I taking the trip of a lifetime to attend both nights of Night of Joy a few months ago. But I've also been on the other side. A few years ago I lost my job of 10 years with the company I assumed I'd retire from, which obviously ended up not being the case. But with support and trust in God I knew my family would be OK. I didn't know the outcome but I had enough faith to make it through. But for 4 years we didn't take a vacation let alone a Disney one. So making it as far as I did once I was eligible again was an unexpected blessing that sparked that creative writing part of me that had fizzled away this year. And in one of those "just so happened to be" moments that helped reassure me to stick with it I got a message from my sister-in-law this morning that my brother was giddy (if you know my brother this is the proper word) with excitement at the possibility of a trip to Disney World and wanted my help and opinions.

So while things don't necessarily happen the way or when we want them, we should always remember that we are bigger than any title we could ever be given, better than our own opinion of ourselves and the praises we earn from outsiders can't even compare to those received from loved ones. Remember to keep your energy focused on the things you can control, stuff that matters and bring joy to those around you.

Wednesdays Word......Broken

Ever have one of those moments where you've heard a song many times but then finally really "hear" the lyrics? Or maybe done something over and over and then finally realize a deeper purpose? Or many of us will read a bible passage and then feel or see something you've never noticed before but it's exactly what you needed at that moment in time?

With today being Ash Wednesday and the beginning of the Lent season we are supposed to focus on our sin, our brokenness, and bring these things to God and ask for forgiveness. Many of us will look to give up something as a sacrifice but our daily cycles can get in the way and we will fail. Failure is good because it reminds us of why we need a savior and that we can't do these things on our own. We tend to forget Jesus in this part of the picture and the time He spent fasting in the desert...for us, for our sin and failures. But why is it so many times we only come to God when we are to the point of being beyond broken and hurting but only to ask God....Why?? Why me?? And yet when things are going our way and times are easy, we never question it and many a time we don't even pause long enough to offer any thanks for those blessings. On my way to work this morning while watching another fabulous sunrise I thought it was very fitting that I heard the song Broken Hallelujah by The Afters. It got me thinking about some of the things I've shared with our church's youth group while teaching Sunday school and our Wednesday night groups. But first here's the words....

I can barely stand right now

Everything is crashing down

And I wonder where You are

I try to find the words to pray 

I don't always know what to say 

But You're the one who can hear my heart 

Even though I don't know what your plan is

I know You're making beauty from these ashes

I've seen joy and I've seen pain

On my knees, I call Your name

Here's my broken hallelujah 

With nothing left to hold onto 

I raise these empty hands to You 

Here's my broken hallelujah 

You know the things that have brought me here

You know the story of every tear

‘Cause You've been here from the very start 

When all is taken away

Don't let my heart be changed

Let me always sing hallelujah 

When I feel afraid 

Don't let my hope be erased 

Let me always sing hallelujah 

Hallelujah

I will always sing

Here's my broken hallelujah 

We have increasingly become a society that demands instant gratification. We don't want to have to work at things and we have a sense of entitlement that has us living in the now and forgetting about seeing the big picture of life with its ups and downs and growth through situations and circumstances. This may sound weird but we need to fail. Sometimes failure and brokenness is the only way to get our perspective back to where it needs to be. It's what we do with our pain and hurt from these situations that will change us and those who hear our story. Jon Acuff (blogger/author known for Stuff Christians Like) once posted a picture that helped make sense of things for me. "Sometimes, God redeems your story by surrounding you with people who need to hear your past so it doesn't become their future." So many times we want answers, we feel we need them or deserve them or else. Or else what though? We know the final outcome isn't that enough? I always tell the kids at church that your testimony isn't the most important part of your story....it's what you choose to do with it that matters the most. Not only does it matter to your personal mental, physical and spiritual well-being but it always matters to God. Our decisions can either draw us closer or separate us from God so if you can be open and honest about your struggles with a humbleness that can only be given to us through faith then the Holy Spirit will grant us peace that can only be given by our entrusting the situation to God. So remember that if someone can see you make it through a personal struggle it can give them hope that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that something wonderful can come from our brokenness if we let it and surrender to the process.

Wednesdays Word.....Chaos

I've heard this following song numerous times over the years but up until yesterday the words hadn't hit me.

Now if you've been following along you'd have noticed I generally save the lyrics to a song to the end to help clarify what I'm blogging about but hopefully these lyrics to the song What Ever You're Doing by Sanctus Real will further justify my thoughts because they truly speak for themselves.

It's time for healing time to move on

It's time to fix what's been broken too long

Time make right what has been wrong

It's time to find my way to where I belong

There's a wave that's crashing over me

All I can do is surrender

Whatever you're doing inside of me

It feels like chaos somehow there's peace

It's hard to surrender to what I can't see

but I'm giving in to something heavenly

Time for a milestone

Time to begin again

Reevaluate who I really am

Am I doing everything to follow your will

or just climbing aimlessly over these hills

So show me what it is you want from me

I give everything I surrender...

Time to face up

Clean this old house

Time to breathe in and let everything out

That I've wanted to say for so many years

Time to to release all my held back tears

Whatever you're doing inside of me

It feels like chaos but I believe

You're up to something bigger than me

Larger than life something heavenly

Whatever you're doing inside of me

It feels like chaos but now I can see

This something bigger than me

Larger than life something heavenly

Something heavenly

It's time to face up

Clean this old house

Time breathe in and let everything out

How can you experience chaos and peace simultaneously?  Most of us struggle to find even a glimmer of peace in this chaotic and hectic world that we live in. So many things tend to weigh us down. From our crazy schedules, job duties, school pressures, spousal and parental responsibilities. Then you throw in some guilt and top it off with worries and you have a recipe for a meltdown.

If you have ever experienced this sort of turmoil going on inside of you then you know exactly what I'm talking about. It is a sure sign that the Holy Spirit and God are working something out within you. There could be so many different reasons for this happening but it is always something we need to let go of and to finally hand it over to God in order to truly find peace about your "it".

That 1st verse is probably more true for everyone than maybe some will admit but we all have some brokenness in our lives that we've allowed to linger for far too long that has come to eat away at our daily lives and has had a negative affect on our relationships with those around us but more importantly with God. So many times it takes us finding ourselves in that drowning moment before we finally reach out for saving. All it takes is for us to surrender that problem over to God so we can end the struggle and to start the healing process.

This is when that moment of chaos begins to stir in us. The Holy Spirit begins His attempt to remove the issue but it has become such a part of us that we are are scared to give it up because it has grown like a cancer and has reached into so many other aspects of our life. We know too that if we truly hand it all over to God we can no longer use it as our excuse for everything. Sadly sometimes we are afraid to give it up because it has consumed so much time and energy in our lives that we scared of not knowing what to do without it. But if we let the Holy Spirit have His way we begin to feel that push, that pull and that tugging at our hearts that we understand it is for our own good that we give in. We have the reassurance that what ever our struggle is that as soon as it is gone that a greater thing will take its place and that God's overwhelming love will fill that void and we will experience true peace through His grace. .

There are so many milestones we can keep track of in our Christian walk. That first one very well maybe when we take the time to reevaluate our life. Not just about who we are and what we've done but whose we are and where we go from here. Don't get me wrong it's not a simple process. It's not a straight and wide path that's easy to follow. It's narrow, winding and has many peaks and valleys you must travel through. You may have to go through this process several times but it's the 1st one, that first step, that 1st time you reach out for help because you understand you can't do it on your own will always be the hardest.

As you reconcile your past and clean up "your house" you'll feel that you're literally able to breathe again and you'll never forget that feeling. Once you release all the years of angst, bitterness, anger, hate, guilt and pain you can start to see the beginnings of something truly miraculous as you become the person you were always meant to be as you begin to see the bigger picture and purpose that God has always had planned for you.

If you've made it this far thank you for reading and sharing in some of my random thoughts...here's the song.

Gone Fishin

If you know me or have read the above tab "Just a Few Things" then you know that I enjoy fishing. But to be honest these days it's hard to find the time to enjoy wetting a line. Our summer seemed to come and go in a blur and now we are into our busy soccer season so today may have been the last time this year. But it was probably one of my favorite quick fishing trips ever. Generally 1 or more of the kids come with me. If my oldest is coming then we actually fish because he has the patience like me to fish all day and catch nothing and still call it a good day of fishing. The middle 2 boys are another story if they don't catching something in the first couple of casts they are a lost cause and are off doing something else. Elli has kind of been a wild card and I wasn't totally sure she was all in when it came to fishing but today I think I got my answer.

I took the day off and told her when she got out of school that I was going to take just her fishing with me and she was truly excited. Turns out she told her teacher and I may have gotten the biggest hug ever from her.

We grabbed her Disney Princess pole and my bag of 8 different rigs and a couple of tackle boxes and we started jamming to Stellar Kart's song Gone Fishin' just to set the mood. We didn't get 5 minutes away and she got a case of the are we there yets. Didn't help that we went by the river a few times and she was thinking that was where we were going. But soon enough we were there and she helped carry what she could while I looked like a pack mule. 

It was pretty funny that while I was getting her all set up she was amazed at how many different butterflies there were but then she went to catch something and I heard a shriek when the grasshopper she had caught jumped away and she had this confused look on her face. I told her it was just a grasshopper and she was like "oh" and then was OK. But it made me think of my sister and her love of grasshoppers so I had to laugh a little. 

We fished a bit but it was more like teasing and playing with all the frogs as they chased my frog lure around. Elli thought they just wanted to be friends with it and were playing. She didn't believe me when I said they were trying to eat it. She just thought that was pretty dumb of them because it wasn't real. 

We decided to move to the end of the pier to try our luck. Elli had just cast and I had my back turned when she said where did my bobber go? I told her she had a fish. She didn't exactly remember what to do so I told her to just real it in and as soon as she saw her catch she let out a squeal. After she posed for her pictures I told her it was time to give her fish a kiss and put it back and she gave me a pretty dirty look. 

Her very next cast netted the same results. But now she was getting cocky. She proclaimed she was going to be a professional fisherman. I explained to her she would have to touch the fish and she quickly changed her mind.

She didn't rub it in that she skunked me and she was just happy to spend time with me and I didn't care I didn't get a bite because I saw pure joy on her face and we got the chance to share that moment today.

So the final score was Disney Princesses - 2 Pflueger & Browning - 0. I used to work at Bass Pro so I have an obscene amount of gear. But I generally don't throw everything I own unless I'm fishing on my own and I can focus on my twitching and jerking (and no that has nothing to do with Miley Cyrus) and roll through all my color combinations of every lure to find what they're biting on that day. But more importantly when I'm fishing on my own it's my time to talk to God. I've had some great moments and some I've really struggled with during this time but regardless I always feel closer to God when I leave than when I arrived.

Every moment I can ever remember fishing has always been a great memory for me. From fishing with my grandma as a kid at the gravel pit (pictured above), catching Bertha (also in the above picture), taking Cole on the "guy" fishing trips with Michelle's grandpa, uncle and brother to not even picking up my own pole to fish just so I could teach my kids my tricks of the trade. Every moment fishing has had an impact on my life and my hope and prayer is that my kids will be able to say the same thing when they look back on our time spent together gone fishin.

Wednesdays Word.....Guidance

Guidance....we all need it (some of us every day) but where do we look to find it? I think that's where most of us hit a stumbling block and struggle on where to turn to when we need help. We probably have more issues on who or where to seek answers from even more so than what we are needing the help with. Add these things together and chances are we will close ourselves off from the very help we need because of the anxiety we self create surrounding the situation. Especially considering most people turn to the Internet and Facebook for their guidance.

Earlier this summer our pastor did a sermon series on the Holy Spirit based on Francis Chan's book called Forgotten God. I had the opportunity to help teach a bible study in correlation to this book and am now leading the same study for our church core group. I really enjoy Chan's insight and writing style so this has been enjoyable for me. I've learned a lot about the misunderstood (hence forgotten) part of the trinity. I grew up going to a Catholic church so I mentioned the Holy Spirit every time I did the sign of the cross when I genuflected getting into the pew but I had no concept of scope of the spirit. 

Some people would consider the Holy Spirit the guide on our walk with Christ. Others would say It's basically our conscience but most truly have no idea or just a vague understanding of the power of the Holy Spirit. Most would agree that the Holy Spirit allows us to communicate with God but we usually struggle in listening and/or understanding what God is trying to tell us. This can be difficult when we are looking for guidance in our life. 

After going through this Forgotten God study I remembered I had picked up a book after a youth conference called 99 Thoughts on Hearing God's Call: Learning to Listen and Respond to God's Voice. In my spare time I help with our church's high school youth group on Sunday nights and work with the middle schoolers on Wednesdays. These ages are a tough time in a young person's life regardless but when you mix in trying to lead a Christian lifestyle and trying to figure out God's plan for your life it can be over whelming. I had the thought of using this book to help our youth try to sort some things out by reading through this book and adding their thoughts to this cute puppy dog journal (I figured no one would steal it) and when they are done I have them initial the cover of the book and we pass it along. My hope is for this book and journal to make it through our youth group by the end of the the school year and that it helps them understand how to better listen to the Holy Spirit but more importantly I pray that they respond. So please check back next year for the follow up blog post to this experiment.

There's a song that's been stuck in my heard/heart lately called Help Me Find It. I've had the opportunity to see the Side Walk Prophets several times over the years and most recently while on a date with my wife and we got to hear them perform their latest hit Help Me Find It. I have genuinely enjoyed all of their music but this song has really stuck with me. I have even said I wish I had half the vocal chops of Dave Frey their lead signer. If you haven't heard any of their songs before just give a listen to the video and be sure to pay attention to the lyrics. 

"Help Me Find It"

I don’t know where to go from here
It all used to seem so clear
I’m finding I can’t do this on my own

I don’t know where to go from here
As long as I know that You are near
I’m done fighting
I’m finally letting go

I will trust in You
You’ve never failed before
I will trust in You

[Chorus:]
If there’s a road I should walk
Help me find it
If I need to be still
Give me peace for the moment
Whatever Your will
Whatever Your will
Can you help me find it
Can you help me find it

I’m giving You fear and You give faith
I giving you doubt
You give me grace
For every step I’ve never been alone

Even when it hurts, You’ll have Your way
Even in the valley I will say
With every breath
You’ve never let me go

I will wait for You
You’ve never failed before
I will wait for You

[Chorus]

I lift my empty hands (come fill me up again)
Have Your way my King (I give my all to You)
I lift my eyes again (Was blind but now I see)
‘Cause You are all I need